An unfinished and yet-to-be-titled first novel by Ambrose Aban...why Prop 8 must be defeated this week...for all gay-kind.
For Norman Ibrahim, a young Malaysian-New Yorker, life takes a
sudden drastic turn when he comes home and finds himself engaged to a girl of his mom’s dream. How will Norman survive in this unfair arrangement and stupid tradition? How will he tell his boyfriend of four years, who he left behind in New York? For Norman, this is just the beginning of a life as a married man. This novel is a side order of fate, a riveting story about the true power of love and friendships, family ties and conflicting cultures, the basic dynamics of human selfishness and also about all the many ways the truth can really set you free. -- Ambrose Aban
For: my loved ones in Malaysia, California, and New York, Mom, Dad, Flave, Jacque
Especially for Boo Boo in heaven.
"What the eye is in the body, reason is in the soul"
From the first chapter:
“Abang Norman! Abang Norman!, you’re home! I miss you Abang! We’ve been waiting for for you to come home for so long, and mother had gone ahead and arranged for you to get married. Isn’t that exciting?” Norman’s little sister Suriati said excitedly as she jumped into Norman’s arms, kissing him excitedly on both cheeks, while gripping him tightly in a bear hug. Meanwhile, Norman’s older brother, Eddie, looked at him intently with the same self-satisfied smug expressions plastered on his face. Suriati was only 10 when he left four years ago.
“Yeah, sure! She wish! What?!” Shock was the only way to describe Norman’s reaction. “Ger married! What? Why? With who? Is he cute?” He just only realized he is so gay and so happy to be gay in a foreign land. But this is home. This is where the reality sets in -- where being gay is wrong, not right.
His voice seemed to fail him, and his breathing was uncomfortable.
“Mak arranged my wedding?” he said, struggling to speak. “How come? With who? Why?” he spluttered.
His mother’s embrace suddenly felt claustrophobic, as if she was trying to take away his freedom, and he pushed her clinging arms away. Maybe it was all a joke. They liked sick jokes in the Ibrahim’s family
“Yes, aren’t you happy? Everything has been arranged carefully. She is a really nice and educated kampung girl, Ida.” his brother Eddie exclaimed. “You’ve come back now, with a law degree some more, what else is there to stop us from finding you a perfect wife?” his mother said, adding “you’ll be too busy looking for the right firm in KL to even think about seeing any of the eligible girls that we want to introduce you to, so we thought we’d pick a perfect one for you.”
“Just imagine if we didn’t do this for you…all the virgin ones and the good, educated ones will be gone, and you’d have ended up left on the shelf, alone without any children, or have to marry a dara tua or even worse a janda tua! If we had not done this, you might, like that boy Man, died without giving his parents any grandchildren,” Eddie beamed, showing his pearly white teeth and feeling proud that he had gone beyond his brotherly duty and done him such a huge favor.
Somehow, he managed to ignore or misunderstand the stricken look on Norman’s face.
“We’ve even set the date for your wedding,” his mother added, delighting in the look of disbelief on Norman’s face.
“You’ve set a date for my wedding without even asking me? You are all joking right. Norman asked, trying not to sound too distressed and nauseated.
The thing he had dreaded most has finally arrived, right here, and was happening so suddenly, and he was living his nightmare. His worst nightmare.
“You are getting married in two weeks time,” Eddie said. He seemed to enjoy the anguish he was causing Norman. It was as if he still resented the fact that Norman had been born and taken away his position as the only cherished boy in the family.
“Two weeks?” Norman said, his mind reeling in pain. “It’s too soon,” he thought. He could feel a shadow over his head and a suffocating feeling envelope him.
“We’ve very little time to arrange everything, but we’ll manage it. Mak has lots of contacts,” Suria said grinning at Norman’s horrified expression, somehow still mistaking it for something else. “I have a photograph of your fiancée here somewhere. You must want to see what she looks like.”
She rummaged in the large multicolored Chloe handbag Norman bought for her two years ago from an Indian store on 27th and Broadway that she always carried with her and carefully pulled out a small silver picture frame, which she placed gently in Norman’s lap. “Here, don’t say we don’t do anything for you. Her name is Idawati. Isn’t she pretty? Mak thinks Ida is beautiful,” she said, referring to their mother, who was now sitting happily next to Norman.
Norman still could not believe that his family was doing this to him. How could they find a girl, fix a date, and not even mention it to him? “We were afraid you couldn’t concentrate on your finals,” Eddie explained. Why hadn’t he suspected that this plan was being hatched? They had been so nice to him lately, and even Eddie had attempted to be pleasant. In hindsight, Norman realized that he should have made some plans for this very moment, but he had never foreseen that he would be confronted by a marriage proposal this way.
“Ahhh Idawati, she is so fair and soft, so lovely and looks so delicate. She is only 18 years old, only five years younger than you,” his mother said.
“Eighteen is ridiculous to begin with, hardly an age to get married, Mak!” Norman said, unable to show his anger to his mother. He still felt dumbstruck and unsure of how to respond. He could not bring himself to look at the photo, knowing that in doing so, it would make the absurdity of hi situation all too real.
“Your father was ten years older than me when he married me. I was fourteen. We were so in love. We had never met before the wedding day. We had your brother Eddie a year after we got married,” Norman’s mother said proudly.
There was no more avoiding it. It was really happening. Maybe he would feel differently if he saw her face. Norman looked at the photo frame lying in his lap and tried to ignore his mother reminiscing about his late father. She had a habit of doing this sometimes, usually as a ploy to distract from what was really going on.
The photo frame held a color studio portrait of a young girl dressed in her baju kurung. It was purple and embroidered at the collar with small swirling patterns, and her head was covered in tudung. “She looks like a penguin,” Norman thought. The girl was smiling almost shyly into the camera. She had the most striking and beautiful brown eyes that were accentuated by a line of dark Maybeline liner along her eyelids. She wore some red lipstick, and at the side of her mouth, she had created a Cindy Crawford’s signature mole to use as a beauty spot. Norman noticed that on her feet she was wearing a high heel shoes. And looked quite the modern Malay girl.
“I am from a different generation, Mak. My generation makes its own choices. I will not get married to a woman I do not know or do not love. I am not getting married. Please apologize to Ida’s family and tell them you were wrong and I was not ready and that I am seeing someone else in the States,” The words that Norman had been trying to say were finally out.
“What the hell are you talking about?” asked Eddie angrily, demanding an apology from Norman.
“On my wedding day I wore the most beautiful selendang with a wonderful keronsang to go with it. When your father saw me, he fell in love instantly,” Norman ’s mother interrupted, oblivious to Eddie’s threat and Norman ’s statement.
“She’s a virgin. Her parents said they guaranteed it. They just came out with it. Even Mak was embarrassed,” said Suria, adding Mak was going to ask anyway. I am sure they would have given us a certificate from the doctor if we’d asked for it.”
“I’d give her one.“ Eddie said whispering to Norman ’s ear, under his breath, making sure that only Norman heard. “She’d be begging me for more from my cut and thick you know what I mean....” Eddie glanced appreciatively at the picture frame and winked at Norman . “She wouldn’t have been a virgin for long if she’d met me first.”
“Stop, stop, stop.” Norman ’s words just came out. He didn’t know where he had managed to find the strength to verbalize his thoughts.
“How can you arrange my wedding without asking me whether or not I want to get married or can get married? We’ve never discussed it. None of you have ever mentioned it to me before.” He screamed, slamming the photo frame on the floor without shattering it.
“What are you doing?” Eddie yelled at Norman . “Do you know how hard it is for Mak to find her? You ungrateful son.”
“I am a free gay man in case you don’t know that yet. I am over eighteen and I don’t have to agree and I will disagree no matter what.” Norman said, almost screaming at Eddie and his mother.
“Who the hell do you think you are? We do not have to worry about how you feel. You marriage is arranged and there is nothing we can do about it. Mak and her family have set a date in two weeks time you will be married, happy and start to plan for your own family. What is wrong with that?” Eddie said, while catching his mother who was fainting.
“But I am not your property.” Yelled Norman. “Tell them it was a mistake and that I am not getting married to that young girl.”
“You are not different from me and Suriati, Norman.” Eddie said, his face darkening.
“You are not any different. You are educated, you lived in America and have American accent but you are still a Malay -- there is a Malay blood running in your vein. You are a Muslim, too. You might think you are gay but you’re a part of this family and will bloody well do as you’re told and not bring shame to this family by thinking you are gay and refusing to marry such ha nice girl from a nice family.” Shouted Eddie, pointing his finger dramatically at Mak.
“She deserves the rights to see her youngest son married, settled and happy.”
Mak sat on the metal chair at the arrivals lounge, fanning herself, clutching her gold necklace, sobbing, and shaking her head like as if she was in pain upon hearing Norman’s angry voice. Since her husband had died six years ago, she had stopped wearing the tudung. Her eyes were surrounded by wrinkles and now filled with tears seeing his son’s graduation cert and seeing him in good health and knowing that he was well. What else could a mother ask for? She has found him a perfect girl who had agreed without complain or question.
“Why is it so hard for Norman to agree.” She thought, still sobbing.
“It was Mak who gave up everything for us and took care of us. Don’t you think that you owe her something, at least this one?” Suriati said.
“Are you that ungrateful?” Eddie added.
“So why don’t you marry her Eddie since you want her so much?” Norman yelled back, adding “is it because you are afraid to fail another time with arranged marriage, huh?”
“I wanted my marriage to work Norman. God I tried and I have never let my family down especially Mak. I tried and gave it a shot.”
“Yeah, that’s right I forgot, you picked a Korean girl in Hells Kitchen and you didn’t come home the next evening, worrying me sick. Yeah it was a fuck of the century, remember Eddie? And why did you say? Because you had no feelings for your wife. She was just a wife, you married her just to please for Mak after Abah died. Well, brother I am not marrying anyone I don’t love or don’t know let alone a girl.” Norman yelled back.
“You listen to me you mother fucker. Don’t talk about my past if you cannot handle the truth.” Eddie warned.
“There’s no need for that brother,” Norman snapped back, adding “the truth is wild enough and many lives had been destroyed including your own so don’t force me into doing stupid things as you and Suriati have done.”
“The truth is wild enough…what do you know about the truth you mother fucking prick? Mak’s been hurt for far too long. She needs to see her favorite son Norman, the best in the family, get married in two weeks. You want to know what is the truth? The truth is you are an ungrateful son.” Eddie said, adding “You are nothing but just a mother fucking Malay boy who got his mind screwed up and his head corrupted by decadence western ways. I’ve lived overseas for many years too and had done everything that Mak and Abah told me not to and were afraid of. But did I become a stupid Mat Salleh (white man)? No! Know why? Because I am still a Muslim man and I have a responsibility to this family -- and that is to not bring shame by sucking white cocks and taking it in the ass!” And do you want to know what the truth should be Norman? Be a man, learn to fuck and get married and try to make it works since you are the better one!”
“I can do what you have done Eddie but I am not stupid. The difference between you and me is not that I am the better one, I am the responsible one. I do not want to destroy that young girl’s life by marrying her, cheating on her later on, living a lie and cheating the world around me. I know it was something you had to do for Mak after Abah passed away. You were in love with a white girl in Australia and you had to give up your love because you needed to be a man for the family. And don’t you dare bringing that up because God knows I tried to be the best brother and son in this family. I had just arrived and for God’s sake I just come home and I am not ready to get married to anyone. I am not even ready to look for a job for God’s sake.” Eddie said trying to remain calm and collected.
“Looked at what happened to you?” Norman said. “You were miserable. Why? You hated your wife. How could you force me to marry Ida? I’ll destroy her life like you have destroyed yours and your ex-wife. And now you want me to destroy my life knowing I am gay and I have a boyfriend back in NYC.” Norman shouted as he worked himself back into an angry state.
“I am telling you this, I don’t want to be forced to get married,” cried Norman despairingly, not wanting to go back over old ground with them again.
“I already have a boyfriend! And his name is Steve. And I love him very much. And he loves me”
“You …?” asked his mother, falling on the floor.
“See what have you done?” Suriati said, rushing to their mother.
“Yes we’ve heard that before, don’t think we are that stupid Norman.” Eddie said. “So what? You have a responsibility to this family and do not expect us to live in sin knowing you are leading a sinful life in the States.
“As the head of the family, I will make sure you marry Ida and have children and not being a concubine to white men. This is not what God had intended for you. This is not what Allah had planned for you. This is not what Abah and Mak had hoped for. When you were young, you were so eager to get married to Aishwarya Rai. You said she was the most beautiful woman in the world. You wanted a wife. It was only like yesterday. You have to pray and ask for God’s forgiveness. You are confused and you are unsure. It must not stop you from getting married” Eddie insisted.
“I was 12 fucking years old Eddie. I said many things I didn’t understand. You did too. I am 24 now and I am older, wiser, and smarter. I am a modern man and I do not have to stick to old tradition and promises. I know what I want now. And I don’t want to get married in two weeks and to a woman. I am so gay. And I am proud.” Norman explained.
“Yes you are proud. We are your family and we are ashamed of you. You were studying, stressed out and you thought you were gay. That was all to it. You were so overwhelmed with the bar exams and you are not wanting to marry a man. God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Norman.” Eddie said
“Adam and Steve,” Suriati corrected her older brother angrily while wiping sweat from her mother’s pale face. “Whatsover!” said Eddie.
“Shut up!!!” Norman yelled at them angrily.
Norman ’s relationship with Eddie had never been that good in the last few years because Norman has been the family’s favorite son. He was his father’s boy and Eddie was just a good looking, insensitive playboy who knows that he is smart and that every single kampung girl would want to be his wife someday. Also, it did not help that Eddie has grown into a very successful businessman, very handsome, tall, dark, and masculine and had once modeled for Jaya Jusco, a hypermarket in Kuala Lumpur when he was finishing his political science degree at University Malaya. Eddie was and still is a heartbreaker whose heart had recently been broken by a Chinese girl name, Karen, who had refused to convert to Islam and marry a Muslim man like him. Eddie was devastated. He knew that Islam was never Karen’s thing.
“We are not going to shut up.” Suriati said. We are your family. We know what is good for you. Abang Eddie knows that marrying Ida is the ebst thing for the whole family. Think for yourself, be your own man Norman, for once and not depend on us to do things for you.” Suriati said.
“Think for myself, be my own man.” How can you say that when you’ve just forced me to marry someone I don’t know, never met and will never sleep with without asking me?”
“Stop being gay or thinking you are being gay Norman. That is not healthy. Gay is sinful in our religion. Forget about it. Get married and leave a life you have been leading in the past, stop drinking and smoking. Islam will forgive you” Suriati said.
Suriati is the only person in the family who is so good at religion but never say what she preaches. She had done so since she came back from Conventry University in England, having joined the Islamic Society while studying there. She never left the house without wearing her tudung, and every so often came out with a ruling decreed by the Islam Society. Most recently, she had banned everyone including Mak from watching The Tudors because the Islamic Society believed the King and his whores to be unislamic.
“Stop saying you are gay. You have always wanted to have a wife and children.
When you were younger, you told us you wanted to look good on your wedding day and sitting next to a beautiful girl and making babies. What is changed now? Gays cannot have children and can’t get married. Do you really think two men can make babies?” Your bum is for going to the toilet, not for making babies.” Explained Eddie sarcastically.
“It’s not natural. It is perverted, and you are not a pervert. For as long as I shall live, I will not let my younger brother to be fucked by a white men or any man. I will kill you and I will kill all the men. In Islam, you would be stoned for being gay, we live a sinful life too if we allow you to continue living a sinful life and letting men to fuck your ass. “Shrieked Eddie, this time raising his voice.
“Stop screaming at me, Eddie. I do not want to get married. I want to enjoy my stay, go to Cherating, enjoy the sun with my old friends, spend the Raya with you, and start planning for my return to New York to start a new life, find a job and live a normal life like normal people. I don’t want to get marry. Call it off. If you don’t, I will move back to the States the next available flight”
“You will get married and that is final.” Said Eddie, threateningly.
“There was shocked silence in the arrivals hall. Both Norman’s mother and sister looked stunned and even Eddie and wiped the inane smirk from his face.
“Call it off? We arranged it today. She belongs to our family. She is our property now. Do you care how we feel? We cannot cancel it. How do you think she will feel and her parents and relatives and the entire community will feel. Everyone knows about it already. You will get married and that is final.” Said Eddie, threateningly.
“I don’t give a fuck care how they feel. I do not know them. Do any of you know her favorite movies and music? How about how I feel? Do you care? How about Steve? Norman retorted angrily.
“Who the hell is Steve?” Suriati said.
“Yes, who the hell is he?” Eddie repeated her sister.
“Who the hell is Ida? Does she know I am gay? Does she know gays do not do women? Does she know that I will never touch her and make babies with her? Does she know I love men? Does she know who I am? ” Norman retorted back.
“She is a nice girl, you idiot.” Screamed Eddie.
“I don’t care! And I don’t want her. You want her, you marry her!” Norman screamed back at Eddie.
“How could you say that Norman? How could you be so cruel?” Suriati asked. How could you hurt Mak like that? If Abah is still alive he would slap you hard.”
“I don’t give a fucking damn. I want someone else in NYC. If you forced me I will tell Ida myself that I am a faggot and I am not into sleeping with women because I men only. I will make her run away or kill herself. And it will all be your fault.” Norman said, without thinking.
“We will want her in no time, you will love her in no time after you meet her,” his mother intervened. “Everything will be fine, now let’s get in the car, let’s go home…you are home now Norman, life will change for the better for you and for all of us. Ida is a really lovely girl. You will not love her now but I am sure overtime you will learn to love her gently and slowly but surely…let’s go home”
“Look at her picture. She loves you Norman.” Eddie said.
“Stop being so stupid and narrow minded Eddie. She does not love me, she does not know me. What are you all on?”
The house where Norman grew up still looked the same. The old Cempedak tree still there, protecting the family ground. Birds and other small little animals love it.
“This is home but why am I not feeling safe here? How could they do this to me?” And why are they so … Norman thought.
“Welcome home bro.” said Eddie, hugging him tightly. “Abah is watching us now, smiling and knowing you are getting married. Everything will be fine.”
“She knew she was going to marry you for a long time. Her family has been waiting for us to ask for her hand in marriage for a long time. All of us knew you would both end up together, but we were waiting for the right moment.” Mak explained calmly.
“Now that you are home, completed your education, earned your degree and not seeing anyone at home, it is the perfect time to present you to her family and present her to you,” Mak continued.
“I don’t care mother. You cannot run my life anymore. I am a big man now. I can make a decision. I have decided not to look for a job in Kayel, Mak. I have decided to migrate to NY next year, after Raya. I want to spend the rest of the Ramadan with you guys and visit Abah is grave and ask for his forgiveness that is all. Despite what you think about gay people, I am still your little brother and I love you all and I am a good Muslim boy, Abang Eddie!”
“All my friends have accepted me for who I am. Why can’t you do the same? I am gay and that is not a bad thing, it is a good thing for me. Maybe not so good, here in this country but in America it is ok to be whom you are inside and be happy and be proud. I know I cannot be gay here and that is why I have decided to migrate there – to be happy and successful gay lawyers working for organizations like the Lambda Legal Organization and others…”
“Are these friends from a Muslim family in Malaysia? No! I do not think so. What do you think Abah would say if he was alive?” Eddie said.
“Your Abah before he dies, asked me to make sure you marry Ida,” Mak said sadly, shaking her head, crying. “It is always his dream to see his favorite son marry a good woman someday”
“Never say never. You will not destroy this family and her life. As your older brother and as the head of this house I want you to just sit back relaxed and just marry this girl whom they’ve all saved the best for last.” Eddie said sarcastically, looking at Mak, feeling discriminated and unloved.
“What do think? You would think I would let you destroy my family by forcing us to accept you and your gay lifestyle. Who do you think you are? Why do you think I had to suffer to save the memory of Abah?” Eddie continued, sounding angrier than ever.
“I think you are crazy people. That’s what I think.” Norman said.
“You have always been my favorite boy, listen to your brother. Get married. You have always made me proud of everything you have done. Please do not let me down now. If you don’t get married I will kill myself. I will not be able to carry on anymore. The only thought that has kept me going since your Abah passed away is that you, Suriati and Eddie get married and have children.”
“I am not well anymore. I am always sick. My days are numbered and I am falling apart son. I want to see my grandchildren from you. I want to see them before I die. I am begging you. I’ll kiss your feet…if that is what you want.” His mother fell onto her knees.
“Please get up mother.” Norman and Eddie said at the same.
Eddie grabbed Norman neck and squeezed it hard until Norman could not breathe and coughed violently as their sister tried to separate them and their mother dropped on the floor.
“Please stop killing each other.” Her voice whimpered her breathing loud and horse between her words. “Please get married my son.” Her voice continue to whimper and gasp for breath pathetically. “I am dying now…please say you’ll marry Ida, please.”
“Say it you fucking shit.” Eddie screamed at Norman.
“Please mother, listen to me. I cannot deal with this. I want to stay with a dear friend for a few days until you all have calmed down. Please cancel the wedding. I don’t want to meet anyone.” Norman cried.
Norman broke lose from his brother arms, headed for the door, pulling his feet out of his mother’s grasp and trying to make a quick exit but Eddie stopped him at the door and punched his nose several times until he fell on the floor bleeding.
Their mother fell on the floor again…unconscious…dying.
“Say it you mother fucking bastard. Say you’ll marry Ida.” Eddie grabbed his collar and spit on his face and grabbed his cock and squeezed it hard until Norman begged him to stop…”Yes mother I will marry Ida.” He whispered as Eddie loosens himself.
Eddie hugged Norman and kissed him tenderly for their mother to see, caring like a loving brother. Norman pulled way from him, calling him a terrorist.
“If anything happens to my mother, I will kill you. Stop being an asshole and listen to us. Alternatively, I will break your legs and take away your passport. We’ve had an arranged marriage and so will you.” Eddie warned Norman.
“Look at what happened to both of you. She left you after two years. He left you after a year. They did not love you both. You did not love them. You were miserable. You were all miserable. I do not want to live like that. I don’t want to love like that!” Norman cried.
“Don’t talk to me about my miseries you queer fucker,” Eddie yelled.
He lunged at Norman again, grabbed him by his crotch again, and squeezed his testicles very hard again until Norman dropped on the floor. He let go and punched Norman on his face again. Norman’s mother, as if on cue, suddenly fell again, screaming in apparent agony. “the pain, the pain. I am going to die” she screech, clutching her chest.
“Mak!” Suriati screamed. “Are you ok?” she asked her mother who only moaned in response. Suriati and Eddie turned around to Norman and immediately found someone to blame.
“Look at what you’ve done, you bastard”. Eddie said. “Now sit down and listen. You will get married or I’ll do what a man’s got to do to protect his family.”
“You all remember that I will be dying inside on my wedding day.” Norman screamed dramatically, triggering a huge smile on his mother’s face.
The punch hit Norman’s chin making a crunching sound. He felt blood dripping from his nostrils and sat down on the floor crying in pain while his Mak asking him to marry her dream girl, Ida.
None of this was fair or expected on his first hour at home. He could not believe what was happening. It was as if the freedom that he had had while in NYC was slowly slipping away from his grasp…
For Norman Ibrahim, a young Malaysian-New Yorker, life takes a
sudden drastic turn when he comes home and finds himself engaged to a girl of his mom’s dream. How will Norman survive in this unfair arrangement and stupid tradition? How will he tell his boyfriend of four years, who he left behind in New York? For Norman, this is just the beginning of a life as a married man. This novel is a side order of fate, a riveting story about the true power of love and friendships, family ties and conflicting cultures, the basic dynamics of human selfishness and also about all the many ways the truth can really set you free. -- Ambrose Aban
For: my loved ones in Malaysia, California, and New York, Mom, Dad, Flave, Jacque
Especially for Boo Boo in heaven.
"What the eye is in the body, reason is in the soul"
From the first chapter:
“Abang Norman! Abang Norman!, you’re home! I miss you Abang! We’ve been waiting for for you to come home for so long, and mother had gone ahead and arranged for you to get married. Isn’t that exciting?” Norman’s little sister Suriati said excitedly as she jumped into Norman’s arms, kissing him excitedly on both cheeks, while gripping him tightly in a bear hug. Meanwhile, Norman’s older brother, Eddie, looked at him intently with the same self-satisfied smug expressions plastered on his face. Suriati was only 10 when he left four years ago.
“Yeah, sure! She wish! What?!” Shock was the only way to describe Norman’s reaction. “Ger married! What? Why? With who? Is he cute?” He just only realized he is so gay and so happy to be gay in a foreign land. But this is home. This is where the reality sets in -- where being gay is wrong, not right.
His voice seemed to fail him, and his breathing was uncomfortable.
“Mak arranged my wedding?” he said, struggling to speak. “How come? With who? Why?” he spluttered.
His mother’s embrace suddenly felt claustrophobic, as if she was trying to take away his freedom, and he pushed her clinging arms away. Maybe it was all a joke. They liked sick jokes in the Ibrahim’s family
“Yes, aren’t you happy? Everything has been arranged carefully. She is a really nice and educated kampung girl, Ida.” his brother Eddie exclaimed. “You’ve come back now, with a law degree some more, what else is there to stop us from finding you a perfect wife?” his mother said, adding “you’ll be too busy looking for the right firm in KL to even think about seeing any of the eligible girls that we want to introduce you to, so we thought we’d pick a perfect one for you.”
“Just imagine if we didn’t do this for you…all the virgin ones and the good, educated ones will be gone, and you’d have ended up left on the shelf, alone without any children, or have to marry a dara tua or even worse a janda tua! If we had not done this, you might, like that boy Man, died without giving his parents any grandchildren,” Eddie beamed, showing his pearly white teeth and feeling proud that he had gone beyond his brotherly duty and done him such a huge favor.
Somehow, he managed to ignore or misunderstand the stricken look on Norman’s face.
“We’ve even set the date for your wedding,” his mother added, delighting in the look of disbelief on Norman’s face.
“You’ve set a date for my wedding without even asking me? You are all joking right. Norman asked, trying not to sound too distressed and nauseated.
The thing he had dreaded most has finally arrived, right here, and was happening so suddenly, and he was living his nightmare. His worst nightmare.
“You are getting married in two weeks time,” Eddie said. He seemed to enjoy the anguish he was causing Norman. It was as if he still resented the fact that Norman had been born and taken away his position as the only cherished boy in the family.
“Two weeks?” Norman said, his mind reeling in pain. “It’s too soon,” he thought. He could feel a shadow over his head and a suffocating feeling envelope him.
“We’ve very little time to arrange everything, but we’ll manage it. Mak has lots of contacts,” Suria said grinning at Norman’s horrified expression, somehow still mistaking it for something else. “I have a photograph of your fiancée here somewhere. You must want to see what she looks like.”
She rummaged in the large multicolored Chloe handbag Norman bought for her two years ago from an Indian store on 27th and Broadway that she always carried with her and carefully pulled out a small silver picture frame, which she placed gently in Norman’s lap. “Here, don’t say we don’t do anything for you. Her name is Idawati. Isn’t she pretty? Mak thinks Ida is beautiful,” she said, referring to their mother, who was now sitting happily next to Norman.
Norman still could not believe that his family was doing this to him. How could they find a girl, fix a date, and not even mention it to him? “We were afraid you couldn’t concentrate on your finals,” Eddie explained. Why hadn’t he suspected that this plan was being hatched? They had been so nice to him lately, and even Eddie had attempted to be pleasant. In hindsight, Norman realized that he should have made some plans for this very moment, but he had never foreseen that he would be confronted by a marriage proposal this way.
“Ahhh Idawati, she is so fair and soft, so lovely and looks so delicate. She is only 18 years old, only five years younger than you,” his mother said.
“Eighteen is ridiculous to begin with, hardly an age to get married, Mak!” Norman said, unable to show his anger to his mother. He still felt dumbstruck and unsure of how to respond. He could not bring himself to look at the photo, knowing that in doing so, it would make the absurdity of hi situation all too real.
“Your father was ten years older than me when he married me. I was fourteen. We were so in love. We had never met before the wedding day. We had your brother Eddie a year after we got married,” Norman’s mother said proudly.
There was no more avoiding it. It was really happening. Maybe he would feel differently if he saw her face. Norman looked at the photo frame lying in his lap and tried to ignore his mother reminiscing about his late father. She had a habit of doing this sometimes, usually as a ploy to distract from what was really going on.
The photo frame held a color studio portrait of a young girl dressed in her baju kurung. It was purple and embroidered at the collar with small swirling patterns, and her head was covered in tudung. “She looks like a penguin,” Norman thought. The girl was smiling almost shyly into the camera. She had the most striking and beautiful brown eyes that were accentuated by a line of dark Maybeline liner along her eyelids. She wore some red lipstick, and at the side of her mouth, she had created a Cindy Crawford’s signature mole to use as a beauty spot. Norman noticed that on her feet she was wearing a high heel shoes. And looked quite the modern Malay girl.
“I am from a different generation, Mak. My generation makes its own choices. I will not get married to a woman I do not know or do not love. I am not getting married. Please apologize to Ida’s family and tell them you were wrong and I was not ready and that I am seeing someone else in the States,” The words that Norman had been trying to say were finally out.
“What the hell are you talking about?” asked Eddie angrily, demanding an apology from Norman.
“On my wedding day I wore the most beautiful selendang with a wonderful keronsang to go with it. When your father saw me, he fell in love instantly,” Norman ’s mother interrupted, oblivious to Eddie’s threat and Norman ’s statement.
“She’s a virgin. Her parents said they guaranteed it. They just came out with it. Even Mak was embarrassed,” said Suria, adding Mak was going to ask anyway. I am sure they would have given us a certificate from the doctor if we’d asked for it.”
“I’d give her one.“ Eddie said whispering to Norman ’s ear, under his breath, making sure that only Norman heard. “She’d be begging me for more from my cut and thick you know what I mean....” Eddie glanced appreciatively at the picture frame and winked at Norman . “She wouldn’t have been a virgin for long if she’d met me first.”
“Stop, stop, stop.” Norman ’s words just came out. He didn’t know where he had managed to find the strength to verbalize his thoughts.
“How can you arrange my wedding without asking me whether or not I want to get married or can get married? We’ve never discussed it. None of you have ever mentioned it to me before.” He screamed, slamming the photo frame on the floor without shattering it.
“What are you doing?” Eddie yelled at Norman . “Do you know how hard it is for Mak to find her? You ungrateful son.”
“I am a free gay man in case you don’t know that yet. I am over eighteen and I don’t have to agree and I will disagree no matter what.” Norman said, almost screaming at Eddie and his mother.
“Who the hell do you think you are? We do not have to worry about how you feel. You marriage is arranged and there is nothing we can do about it. Mak and her family have set a date in two weeks time you will be married, happy and start to plan for your own family. What is wrong with that?” Eddie said, while catching his mother who was fainting.
“But I am not your property.” Yelled Norman. “Tell them it was a mistake and that I am not getting married to that young girl.”
“You are not different from me and Suriati, Norman.” Eddie said, his face darkening.
“You are not any different. You are educated, you lived in America and have American accent but you are still a Malay -- there is a Malay blood running in your vein. You are a Muslim, too. You might think you are gay but you’re a part of this family and will bloody well do as you’re told and not bring shame to this family by thinking you are gay and refusing to marry such ha nice girl from a nice family.” Shouted Eddie, pointing his finger dramatically at Mak.
“She deserves the rights to see her youngest son married, settled and happy.”
Mak sat on the metal chair at the arrivals lounge, fanning herself, clutching her gold necklace, sobbing, and shaking her head like as if she was in pain upon hearing Norman’s angry voice. Since her husband had died six years ago, she had stopped wearing the tudung. Her eyes were surrounded by wrinkles and now filled with tears seeing his son’s graduation cert and seeing him in good health and knowing that he was well. What else could a mother ask for? She has found him a perfect girl who had agreed without complain or question.
“Why is it so hard for Norman to agree.” She thought, still sobbing.
“It was Mak who gave up everything for us and took care of us. Don’t you think that you owe her something, at least this one?” Suriati said.
“Are you that ungrateful?” Eddie added.
“So why don’t you marry her Eddie since you want her so much?” Norman yelled back, adding “is it because you are afraid to fail another time with arranged marriage, huh?”
“I wanted my marriage to work Norman. God I tried and I have never let my family down especially Mak. I tried and gave it a shot.”
“Yeah, that’s right I forgot, you picked a Korean girl in Hells Kitchen and you didn’t come home the next evening, worrying me sick. Yeah it was a fuck of the century, remember Eddie? And why did you say? Because you had no feelings for your wife. She was just a wife, you married her just to please for Mak after Abah died. Well, brother I am not marrying anyone I don’t love or don’t know let alone a girl.” Norman yelled back.
“You listen to me you mother fucker. Don’t talk about my past if you cannot handle the truth.” Eddie warned.
“There’s no need for that brother,” Norman snapped back, adding “the truth is wild enough and many lives had been destroyed including your own so don’t force me into doing stupid things as you and Suriati have done.”
“The truth is wild enough…what do you know about the truth you mother fucking prick? Mak’s been hurt for far too long. She needs to see her favorite son Norman, the best in the family, get married in two weeks. You want to know what is the truth? The truth is you are an ungrateful son.” Eddie said, adding “You are nothing but just a mother fucking Malay boy who got his mind screwed up and his head corrupted by decadence western ways. I’ve lived overseas for many years too and had done everything that Mak and Abah told me not to and were afraid of. But did I become a stupid Mat Salleh (white man)? No! Know why? Because I am still a Muslim man and I have a responsibility to this family -- and that is to not bring shame by sucking white cocks and taking it in the ass!” And do you want to know what the truth should be Norman? Be a man, learn to fuck and get married and try to make it works since you are the better one!”
“I can do what you have done Eddie but I am not stupid. The difference between you and me is not that I am the better one, I am the responsible one. I do not want to destroy that young girl’s life by marrying her, cheating on her later on, living a lie and cheating the world around me. I know it was something you had to do for Mak after Abah passed away. You were in love with a white girl in Australia and you had to give up your love because you needed to be a man for the family. And don’t you dare bringing that up because God knows I tried to be the best brother and son in this family. I had just arrived and for God’s sake I just come home and I am not ready to get married to anyone. I am not even ready to look for a job for God’s sake.” Eddie said trying to remain calm and collected.
“Looked at what happened to you?” Norman said. “You were miserable. Why? You hated your wife. How could you force me to marry Ida? I’ll destroy her life like you have destroyed yours and your ex-wife. And now you want me to destroy my life knowing I am gay and I have a boyfriend back in NYC.” Norman shouted as he worked himself back into an angry state.
“I am telling you this, I don’t want to be forced to get married,” cried Norman despairingly, not wanting to go back over old ground with them again.
“I already have a boyfriend! And his name is Steve. And I love him very much. And he loves me”
“You …?” asked his mother, falling on the floor.
“See what have you done?” Suriati said, rushing to their mother.
“Yes we’ve heard that before, don’t think we are that stupid Norman.” Eddie said. “So what? You have a responsibility to this family and do not expect us to live in sin knowing you are leading a sinful life in the States.
“As the head of the family, I will make sure you marry Ida and have children and not being a concubine to white men. This is not what God had intended for you. This is not what Allah had planned for you. This is not what Abah and Mak had hoped for. When you were young, you were so eager to get married to Aishwarya Rai. You said she was the most beautiful woman in the world. You wanted a wife. It was only like yesterday. You have to pray and ask for God’s forgiveness. You are confused and you are unsure. It must not stop you from getting married” Eddie insisted.
“I was 12 fucking years old Eddie. I said many things I didn’t understand. You did too. I am 24 now and I am older, wiser, and smarter. I am a modern man and I do not have to stick to old tradition and promises. I know what I want now. And I don’t want to get married in two weeks and to a woman. I am so gay. And I am proud.” Norman explained.
“Yes you are proud. We are your family and we are ashamed of you. You were studying, stressed out and you thought you were gay. That was all to it. You were so overwhelmed with the bar exams and you are not wanting to marry a man. God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Norman.” Eddie said
“Adam and Steve,” Suriati corrected her older brother angrily while wiping sweat from her mother’s pale face. “Whatsover!” said Eddie.
“Shut up!!!” Norman yelled at them angrily.
Norman ’s relationship with Eddie had never been that good in the last few years because Norman has been the family’s favorite son. He was his father’s boy and Eddie was just a good looking, insensitive playboy who knows that he is smart and that every single kampung girl would want to be his wife someday. Also, it did not help that Eddie has grown into a very successful businessman, very handsome, tall, dark, and masculine and had once modeled for Jaya Jusco, a hypermarket in Kuala Lumpur when he was finishing his political science degree at University Malaya. Eddie was and still is a heartbreaker whose heart had recently been broken by a Chinese girl name, Karen, who had refused to convert to Islam and marry a Muslim man like him. Eddie was devastated. He knew that Islam was never Karen’s thing.
“We are not going to shut up.” Suriati said. We are your family. We know what is good for you. Abang Eddie knows that marrying Ida is the ebst thing for the whole family. Think for yourself, be your own man Norman, for once and not depend on us to do things for you.” Suriati said.
“Think for myself, be my own man.” How can you say that when you’ve just forced me to marry someone I don’t know, never met and will never sleep with without asking me?”
“Stop being gay or thinking you are being gay Norman. That is not healthy. Gay is sinful in our religion. Forget about it. Get married and leave a life you have been leading in the past, stop drinking and smoking. Islam will forgive you” Suriati said.
Suriati is the only person in the family who is so good at religion but never say what she preaches. She had done so since she came back from Conventry University in England, having joined the Islamic Society while studying there. She never left the house without wearing her tudung, and every so often came out with a ruling decreed by the Islam Society. Most recently, she had banned everyone including Mak from watching The Tudors because the Islamic Society believed the King and his whores to be unislamic.
“Stop saying you are gay. You have always wanted to have a wife and children.
When you were younger, you told us you wanted to look good on your wedding day and sitting next to a beautiful girl and making babies. What is changed now? Gays cannot have children and can’t get married. Do you really think two men can make babies?” Your bum is for going to the toilet, not for making babies.” Explained Eddie sarcastically.
“It’s not natural. It is perverted, and you are not a pervert. For as long as I shall live, I will not let my younger brother to be fucked by a white men or any man. I will kill you and I will kill all the men. In Islam, you would be stoned for being gay, we live a sinful life too if we allow you to continue living a sinful life and letting men to fuck your ass. “Shrieked Eddie, this time raising his voice.
“Stop screaming at me, Eddie. I do not want to get married. I want to enjoy my stay, go to Cherating, enjoy the sun with my old friends, spend the Raya with you, and start planning for my return to New York to start a new life, find a job and live a normal life like normal people. I don’t want to get marry. Call it off. If you don’t, I will move back to the States the next available flight”
“You will get married and that is final.” Said Eddie, threateningly.
“There was shocked silence in the arrivals hall. Both Norman’s mother and sister looked stunned and even Eddie and wiped the inane smirk from his face.
“Call it off? We arranged it today. She belongs to our family. She is our property now. Do you care how we feel? We cannot cancel it. How do you think she will feel and her parents and relatives and the entire community will feel. Everyone knows about it already. You will get married and that is final.” Said Eddie, threateningly.
“I don’t give a fuck care how they feel. I do not know them. Do any of you know her favorite movies and music? How about how I feel? Do you care? How about Steve? Norman retorted angrily.
“Who the hell is Steve?” Suriati said.
“Yes, who the hell is he?” Eddie repeated her sister.
“Who the hell is Ida? Does she know I am gay? Does she know gays do not do women? Does she know that I will never touch her and make babies with her? Does she know I love men? Does she know who I am? ” Norman retorted back.
“She is a nice girl, you idiot.” Screamed Eddie.
“I don’t care! And I don’t want her. You want her, you marry her!” Norman screamed back at Eddie.
“How could you say that Norman? How could you be so cruel?” Suriati asked. How could you hurt Mak like that? If Abah is still alive he would slap you hard.”
“I don’t give a fucking damn. I want someone else in NYC. If you forced me I will tell Ida myself that I am a faggot and I am not into sleeping with women because I men only. I will make her run away or kill herself. And it will all be your fault.” Norman said, without thinking.
“We will want her in no time, you will love her in no time after you meet her,” his mother intervened. “Everything will be fine, now let’s get in the car, let’s go home…you are home now Norman, life will change for the better for you and for all of us. Ida is a really lovely girl. You will not love her now but I am sure overtime you will learn to love her gently and slowly but surely…let’s go home”
“Look at her picture. She loves you Norman.” Eddie said.
“Stop being so stupid and narrow minded Eddie. She does not love me, she does not know me. What are you all on?”
The house where Norman grew up still looked the same. The old Cempedak tree still there, protecting the family ground. Birds and other small little animals love it.
“This is home but why am I not feeling safe here? How could they do this to me?” And why are they so … Norman thought.
“Welcome home bro.” said Eddie, hugging him tightly. “Abah is watching us now, smiling and knowing you are getting married. Everything will be fine.”
“She knew she was going to marry you for a long time. Her family has been waiting for us to ask for her hand in marriage for a long time. All of us knew you would both end up together, but we were waiting for the right moment.” Mak explained calmly.
“Now that you are home, completed your education, earned your degree and not seeing anyone at home, it is the perfect time to present you to her family and present her to you,” Mak continued.
“I don’t care mother. You cannot run my life anymore. I am a big man now. I can make a decision. I have decided not to look for a job in Kayel, Mak. I have decided to migrate to NY next year, after Raya. I want to spend the rest of the Ramadan with you guys and visit Abah is grave and ask for his forgiveness that is all. Despite what you think about gay people, I am still your little brother and I love you all and I am a good Muslim boy, Abang Eddie!”
“All my friends have accepted me for who I am. Why can’t you do the same? I am gay and that is not a bad thing, it is a good thing for me. Maybe not so good, here in this country but in America it is ok to be whom you are inside and be happy and be proud. I know I cannot be gay here and that is why I have decided to migrate there – to be happy and successful gay lawyers working for organizations like the Lambda Legal Organization and others…”
“Are these friends from a Muslim family in Malaysia? No! I do not think so. What do you think Abah would say if he was alive?” Eddie said.
“Your Abah before he dies, asked me to make sure you marry Ida,” Mak said sadly, shaking her head, crying. “It is always his dream to see his favorite son marry a good woman someday”
“Never say never. You will not destroy this family and her life. As your older brother and as the head of this house I want you to just sit back relaxed and just marry this girl whom they’ve all saved the best for last.” Eddie said sarcastically, looking at Mak, feeling discriminated and unloved.
“What do think? You would think I would let you destroy my family by forcing us to accept you and your gay lifestyle. Who do you think you are? Why do you think I had to suffer to save the memory of Abah?” Eddie continued, sounding angrier than ever.
“I think you are crazy people. That’s what I think.” Norman said.
“You have always been my favorite boy, listen to your brother. Get married. You have always made me proud of everything you have done. Please do not let me down now. If you don’t get married I will kill myself. I will not be able to carry on anymore. The only thought that has kept me going since your Abah passed away is that you, Suriati and Eddie get married and have children.”
“I am not well anymore. I am always sick. My days are numbered and I am falling apart son. I want to see my grandchildren from you. I want to see them before I die. I am begging you. I’ll kiss your feet…if that is what you want.” His mother fell onto her knees.
“Please get up mother.” Norman and Eddie said at the same.
Eddie grabbed Norman neck and squeezed it hard until Norman could not breathe and coughed violently as their sister tried to separate them and their mother dropped on the floor.
“Please stop killing each other.” Her voice whimpered her breathing loud and horse between her words. “Please get married my son.” Her voice continue to whimper and gasp for breath pathetically. “I am dying now…please say you’ll marry Ida, please.”
“Say it you fucking shit.” Eddie screamed at Norman.
“Please mother, listen to me. I cannot deal with this. I want to stay with a dear friend for a few days until you all have calmed down. Please cancel the wedding. I don’t want to meet anyone.” Norman cried.
Norman broke lose from his brother arms, headed for the door, pulling his feet out of his mother’s grasp and trying to make a quick exit but Eddie stopped him at the door and punched his nose several times until he fell on the floor bleeding.
Their mother fell on the floor again…unconscious…dying.
“Say it you mother fucking bastard. Say you’ll marry Ida.” Eddie grabbed his collar and spit on his face and grabbed his cock and squeezed it hard until Norman begged him to stop…”Yes mother I will marry Ida.” He whispered as Eddie loosens himself.
Eddie hugged Norman and kissed him tenderly for their mother to see, caring like a loving brother. Norman pulled way from him, calling him a terrorist.
“If anything happens to my mother, I will kill you. Stop being an asshole and listen to us. Alternatively, I will break your legs and take away your passport. We’ve had an arranged marriage and so will you.” Eddie warned Norman.
“Look at what happened to both of you. She left you after two years. He left you after a year. They did not love you both. You did not love them. You were miserable. You were all miserable. I do not want to live like that. I don’t want to love like that!” Norman cried.
“Don’t talk to me about my miseries you queer fucker,” Eddie yelled.
He lunged at Norman again, grabbed him by his crotch again, and squeezed his testicles very hard again until Norman dropped on the floor. He let go and punched Norman on his face again. Norman’s mother, as if on cue, suddenly fell again, screaming in apparent agony. “the pain, the pain. I am going to die” she screech, clutching her chest.
“Mak!” Suriati screamed. “Are you ok?” she asked her mother who only moaned in response. Suriati and Eddie turned around to Norman and immediately found someone to blame.
“Look at what you’ve done, you bastard”. Eddie said. “Now sit down and listen. You will get married or I’ll do what a man’s got to do to protect his family.”
“You all remember that I will be dying inside on my wedding day.” Norman screamed dramatically, triggering a huge smile on his mother’s face.
The punch hit Norman’s chin making a crunching sound. He felt blood dripping from his nostrils and sat down on the floor crying in pain while his Mak asking him to marry her dream girl, Ida.
None of this was fair or expected on his first hour at home. He could not believe what was happening. It was as if the freedom that he had had while in NYC was slowly slipping away from his grasp…
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