Matthew Mitcham wins gold for gay-kind, sparks gay pride around the world.
By Michael Jensen
[Previously published on AfterElton]
Thanks to a mole at NBC Sports, AfterElton.com was able to obtain this exclusive transcript of an IM conversation between an NBC reporter trying to convince his boss that Matthew Mitcham's upset gold medal victory in the Men's 10 meter platform was worth coverage by the network.
NBCLACKEY: Hey, Boss! Got a great story for tonight’s Oly coverage!
NBCHONCHO: Is it something else about Phelps! Woo hoo!
NBCLACKEY: Um, no. He left Beijing already.
NBCHONCHO: Oh. :-( What then?
NBCLACKEY: On Matthew Mitcham’s last dive during the Men’s 10 M platform—
NBCHONCHO: Men’s what?
NBCLACKEY: 10 M platform. You know, diving.
NBCHONCHO: Oh. Don’t really like that.
NBCLACKEY: Really? Why?
NBCHONCHO: Speedos
NBCLACKEY: ???
NBCHONCHO: Speedos are too revealing.
NBCLACKEY: I see. You must hate women’s beach volleyball then.
NBCHONCHO: ???
NBCLACKEY: Nevermind.
NBCHONCHO: With speedos u see all of a guy’s junk. Nasty.
NBCHONCHO: And gay. Besides 10 m isn’t that high. Not impressed. My ten year old can do that.
NBCLACKEY: Um, that’s meters, not feet.
NBCHONCHO: Oh, yeah. Still what is that? Fifteen feet?
NBCLACKEY: Actually, its more than double that. 32 feet.
NBCHONCHO: Stupid European measurements.
NBCLACKEY: Anyway, on his last dive Mitcham posted highest score ever and came from behind to beat Zhou Luxin for the gold!
NBCHONCHO: Is he American?
NBCLACKEY No, Australian.
NBCHONCHO: Really? I thought they were just good skiers. And weightlifters like Schzerneger. Schwazaneger…Swarznerge… you know, The Terminator, the Governor of California
NBCLACKEY: Not Austrian. AUSTRALIAN. Down Under.
NBCHONCHO: Ah. Too bad. Wish he were American. Too bad Phelps doesn’t dive. I wonder if he could. Anybody ever ask?
NBCLACKEY: Don't think so. Anyway, it’s still a great story. Mitcham kept the Chinese men from winning all eight gold medals in diving. Nobody thought he could do it! It was a huge upset.
NBCHONCHO: I like a story about someone knocking off those Chinese. They won too many damned golds.
NBCLACKEY: Plus the kid has a great personal story. He burnt out on diving in 2006 and quit the sport. He’s struggled with anxiety and depression, but then his coach talked him into coming back last year and he overcame all that age nineteen. And now he beat the Chinese juggernaut with the most amazing dive ever in Olympic history. It was so exicting! And there’s more!
NBCLACKEY: Hello? You still there?
NBCLACKEY: ???
NBCHONCHO: Sorry. Somebody sent me this hilarious clip of a cat that eats with a fork! OMFG, it’s so hilarious! Wish we could show this!
NBCLACKEY: Um, okay. So do you want to hear the rest of Mitcham’s story?
NBCHONCHO: Who?
NBCLACKEY: The diver! Who upset the Chinese!
NBCHONCHO: Oh, yeah. Sure.
NBCLACKEY: Here is the best part. He actually came out as gay about six months ago. And he was the only out gay male at the Games. It's so impressive!
NBCHONCHO: I thought all the divers were gay. They all seem a little fruity. Not like water polo players!
NBCLACKEY: Not only did he just come out, but his performance is the greatest ever by an out gay man at the Olympics. He made history! Then after he was awarded the gold medal, he climbed into the stands to kiss his mom and partner who only got to be there ‘cuz a corporation gave them a grant. It’s a great heartwarming, historical story. It’s great TV. Folks will eat it up!
NBCHONCHO: We can’t show THAT! Families will be watching.
NBCLACKEY ???
NBCHONCHO: We don’t do sex at the Olympics. Who do you think we are -- Fox?
NBCLACKEY: Sex? Who said anything about sex?
NBCHONCHO: You said he kisses his partner.
NBCLACKEY: That’s not sex!
NBCHONCHO: Close enough. Besides, we can’t do a story like that. We don’t ever discuss an athlete’s sexuality.
NBCLACKEY: You’re kidding, right? We show straight folks' boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives all the time. And lots of kissing. We did a whole piece on one female athlete’s fiancée and he’s not even in the Olympics. How is that not discussing sexuality?
NBCHONCHO: Well, that’s straight people so it’s not sex. Gay is, well, GAY. Say, are you gay or something?
NBCLACKEY: What? You’ve met my wife and two kids. Why would you ask that?
NBCHONCHO: You just seem sort of obsessed with this.
NBCLACKEY: I’m a reporter and this is news. Pretty damn big news. And you said to tell you about any heartwarming stories. It’s what you pay me to do. Remember?
NBCHONCHO: Fine. You’re not gay. But is it really historical? There have been other gay Olympic athletes. Haven’t there?
NBCLACKEY: Yes, but they weren’t out. Mitcham won after he came out. It’s like if the first black diver won gold.
NBCHONCHO: Totally not the same thing.
NBCLACKEY: Sure seems like it to me.
NBCHONCHO: Look, this just isn’t right for NBC. Stick it up on the website. That’s good enough.
NBCLACKEY: Really? This was a huge upset. We show almost all the upsets.And we love these stories of triumph over adversity.
NBCHONCHO: I’ll pass. You realize there are 10,000 athletes here, right? We can't tell EVERY single one's story.
NBCLACKEY: But this isn't just any story! This is special.
NBCHONCHO: Eh. Not that special. But tell ya what, I think we should do a follow up on that love triangle between those French and Italian athletes. And what about Phelps? Why don’t we do something about his favorite X-Box games? Or how he eats 12,000 calories a day. Americans will love that. Oh, and something else about those female volleyball players! Can’t get enough of them! ;-)
NBCLACKEY: Sigh.
By Michael Jensen
[Previously published on AfterElton]
Thanks to a mole at NBC Sports, AfterElton.com was able to obtain this exclusive transcript of an IM conversation between an NBC reporter trying to convince his boss that Matthew Mitcham's upset gold medal victory in the Men's 10 meter platform was worth coverage by the network.
NBCLACKEY: Hey, Boss! Got a great story for tonight’s Oly coverage!
NBCHONCHO: Is it something else about Phelps! Woo hoo!
NBCLACKEY: Um, no. He left Beijing already.
NBCHONCHO: Oh. :-( What then?
NBCLACKEY: On Matthew Mitcham’s last dive during the Men’s 10 M platform—
NBCHONCHO: Men’s what?
NBCLACKEY: 10 M platform. You know, diving.
NBCHONCHO: Oh. Don’t really like that.
NBCLACKEY: Really? Why?
NBCHONCHO: Speedos
NBCLACKEY: ???
NBCHONCHO: Speedos are too revealing.
NBCLACKEY: I see. You must hate women’s beach volleyball then.
NBCHONCHO: ???
NBCLACKEY: Nevermind.
NBCHONCHO: With speedos u see all of a guy’s junk. Nasty.
NBCHONCHO: And gay. Besides 10 m isn’t that high. Not impressed. My ten year old can do that.
NBCLACKEY: Um, that’s meters, not feet.
NBCHONCHO: Oh, yeah. Still what is that? Fifteen feet?
NBCLACKEY: Actually, its more than double that. 32 feet.
NBCHONCHO: Stupid European measurements.
NBCLACKEY: Anyway, on his last dive Mitcham posted highest score ever and came from behind to beat Zhou Luxin for the gold!
NBCHONCHO: Is he American?
NBCLACKEY No, Australian.
NBCHONCHO: Really? I thought they were just good skiers. And weightlifters like Schzerneger. Schwazaneger…Swarznerge… you know, The Terminator, the Governor of California
NBCLACKEY: Not Austrian. AUSTRALIAN. Down Under.
NBCHONCHO: Ah. Too bad. Wish he were American. Too bad Phelps doesn’t dive. I wonder if he could. Anybody ever ask?
NBCLACKEY: Don't think so. Anyway, it’s still a great story. Mitcham kept the Chinese men from winning all eight gold medals in diving. Nobody thought he could do it! It was a huge upset.
NBCHONCHO: I like a story about someone knocking off those Chinese. They won too many damned golds.
NBCLACKEY: Plus the kid has a great personal story. He burnt out on diving in 2006 and quit the sport. He’s struggled with anxiety and depression, but then his coach talked him into coming back last year and he overcame all that age nineteen. And now he beat the Chinese juggernaut with the most amazing dive ever in Olympic history. It was so exicting! And there’s more!
NBCLACKEY: Hello? You still there?
NBCLACKEY: ???
NBCHONCHO: Sorry. Somebody sent me this hilarious clip of a cat that eats with a fork! OMFG, it’s so hilarious! Wish we could show this!
NBCLACKEY: Um, okay. So do you want to hear the rest of Mitcham’s story?
NBCHONCHO: Who?
NBCLACKEY: The diver! Who upset the Chinese!
NBCHONCHO: Oh, yeah. Sure.
NBCLACKEY: Here is the best part. He actually came out as gay about six months ago. And he was the only out gay male at the Games. It's so impressive!
NBCHONCHO: I thought all the divers were gay. They all seem a little fruity. Not like water polo players!
NBCLACKEY: Not only did he just come out, but his performance is the greatest ever by an out gay man at the Olympics. He made history! Then after he was awarded the gold medal, he climbed into the stands to kiss his mom and partner who only got to be there ‘cuz a corporation gave them a grant. It’s a great heartwarming, historical story. It’s great TV. Folks will eat it up!
NBCHONCHO: We can’t show THAT! Families will be watching.
NBCLACKEY ???
NBCHONCHO: We don’t do sex at the Olympics. Who do you think we are -- Fox?
NBCLACKEY: Sex? Who said anything about sex?
NBCHONCHO: You said he kisses his partner.
NBCLACKEY: That’s not sex!
NBCHONCHO: Close enough. Besides, we can’t do a story like that. We don’t ever discuss an athlete’s sexuality.
NBCLACKEY: You’re kidding, right? We show straight folks' boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives all the time. And lots of kissing. We did a whole piece on one female athlete’s fiancée and he’s not even in the Olympics. How is that not discussing sexuality?
NBCHONCHO: Well, that’s straight people so it’s not sex. Gay is, well, GAY. Say, are you gay or something?
NBCLACKEY: What? You’ve met my wife and two kids. Why would you ask that?
NBCHONCHO: You just seem sort of obsessed with this.
NBCLACKEY: I’m a reporter and this is news. Pretty damn big news. And you said to tell you about any heartwarming stories. It’s what you pay me to do. Remember?
NBCHONCHO: Fine. You’re not gay. But is it really historical? There have been other gay Olympic athletes. Haven’t there?
NBCLACKEY: Yes, but they weren’t out. Mitcham won after he came out. It’s like if the first black diver won gold.
NBCHONCHO: Totally not the same thing.
NBCLACKEY: Sure seems like it to me.
NBCHONCHO: Look, this just isn’t right for NBC. Stick it up on the website. That’s good enough.
NBCLACKEY: Really? This was a huge upset. We show almost all the upsets.And we love these stories of triumph over adversity.
NBCHONCHO: I’ll pass. You realize there are 10,000 athletes here, right? We can't tell EVERY single one's story.
NBCLACKEY: But this isn't just any story! This is special.
NBCHONCHO: Eh. Not that special. But tell ya what, I think we should do a follow up on that love triangle between those French and Italian athletes. And what about Phelps? Why don’t we do something about his favorite X-Box games? Or how he eats 12,000 calories a day. Americans will love that. Oh, and something else about those female volleyball players! Can’t get enough of them! ;-)
NBCLACKEY: Sigh.
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