The owner & founder of BeOneCity.com, Peter Brook, and I chatted recently and below his p.o.v on the latest dating site which he created recently. The site aims to outsmart HIV and promote a global positive community. Peter called me from Los Angeles, telling me about his new dating site -- BeOneCity. Looking cool and chic. Definitely a new, healhty, safer, non-judgmental place for HIV+ men worldwide to find love, friends, roomates, share stories and maybe, even connect.
My full story on HIV dating sites (and my interview with Peter above) is now published on www.edgenewyork.com.
QueerGam: Peter, can you tell us why BeOneCity (above) is different from the others?
Peter Brook: For many reasons. It is the first networking platform in real-time site built for HIV positive gay guys to communicate directly with each other - for support, to find love and feel worthy of it, and also to hook-up with a vision for how we deal with ourselves and make our lives great. There are other dating sites out there that address the need to date and hook-up but very few designed for HIV positive guys by positive guys, and none with the kind of platform and lifestyle focus of BeOneCity.
QueerGam: Which part of it is remarkably or notably different?
Peter Brook: What is different is that we are promoting sero-sorting for relationships and hooking-up. Research shows that for a myriad of reasons, positive guys want to date, hang-out and hook-up with other positive guys. As a positive gay man, I recognize the value in that for us. It takes the disclosure, the worry and any legal issues out of the equation and it provides us with the assurance that there is no chance for us to spread HIV. We do not suggest that positive guys should not be with negative guys – I have had negative boyfriends myself – and you cannot stop love or lust with your sero-status –nor should you. You just have to be more careful. But for those of us who would actually prefer to meet, date and hook-up with others who are on the same page, and understand what it is to have HIV, BeOneCity provides this.
QueerGam: What are you currently offering that the others are still figuring out?
Peter Brook: We offer a global positive community. We recognize the value in having members from everywhere. HIV is a global problem. Part of the power of the internet is that it can help us to lose some of our myopic view of things and see problems elsewhere. With a global site we can know first hand what it is like to have HIV if you live in say Bombay or in Dubai or in Berlin – and we can talk to those people directly. We can hopefully plan better and smarter because of this view - and we can truly put everyone with HIV (and with internet access) together online.
QueerGam: That is a powerful connection going on there...
Peter Brook: Our hope is that BeOneCity will be a site that will play a vital part in taking on the next challenges we face from HIV using the power we get from a global membership and a global reach
QueerGam: So BeOneCity is the first site to position itself as a lifestyle site for HIV...What about the vision for your members?
Peter Brook: Yes, we are the first site to position ourselves as a lifestyle site for HIV – away from most of the medically driven sites that were the focus of HIV in the past. We really and truly want to feel confident being HIV positive and to be able to feel good about ourselves - to know that we are as worthy of love and happiness as anyone else. Part of that is learning to be proud of ourselves again. With this in mind, we try to give our members not just a user-driven experience like other dating sites.
QueerGam: What do you strive to provide from now on?
Peter Brook: We strive to provide more articles, blog posts, the news we report on, and the type of site we have speaks to a different approach to HIV – hopefully more conscious and more fun.
QueerGam: Sounds like you want to bring sexy back to HIV...
Peter Brook: Absolutely. We want to bring sexy back to HIV, for want of a better song-line. And we want to realize pride in ourselves again. We are not damaged goods – rather we are great people with great lives to lead who happen to have what is now a manageable chronic condition. As a lifestyle site, we can promote this as a way of being for positive guys. We offer a safe place to unite together. At BeOneCity we can be ourselves - without the judgment or the stigma we often experience from the outside world because of our HIV status.
QueerGam: Why are you so driven to developing a strong social mission for HIV that includes your participation as a gay HIV positive man?
Peter Brook: This sets us apart from dating sites. We believe that the site can be a unifying place where we can mobilize together to help stop HIV and bring focus real to outsmarting HIV – and we believe we have a responsibility to provide this and encourage it.
QueerGam: Is this a new stage for HIV and things have changed in many ways?
Peter Brook: Because of the battles fought by those with HIV during its first stage, we are now in a place where HIV is far more manageable. While HIV is still growing at this point, we are capable of turning that trend around and we have a role to play. I believe it is now up to those of us, lucky enough to be positive at a time when HIV is manageable, to get together and work to find solutions; getting drug access for everyone, everywhere with HIV regardless of economic status is one important fight for us. And we do have a part to play in the fight to find a vaccine, in continuing to push for a cure, and in moving society past the stigma that is still so affiliated with HIV. BeOneCity wants to be involved in those fights.
QueerGam: So you've also been putting a lot of effort into supporting other groups and partnering with them, correct?
Peter Brook: We are different in that we bridge the gap between the myriad non-profit and for profit HIV organizations, all working against HIV. We did that and are still doing that. This offers us a real-world focus for us and for our members, and gives us a community experience in the real world – something which is often neglected from our life with HIV. We believe we need to encourage our participation, as people with HIV within the broader HIV community.
QueerGam: What is your main focus at this time?
Peter Brook: We have a focus toward pride and away from the stigma of HIV. When it is OK to be positive and talk about it, when the secrecy and shame of it is removed, then HIV will have a lot less power. The spread of HIV comes from people not being able to be up-front and honest with it – with themselves having it. This is a struggle I still work on. In Africa - where the stigma is so strong against both gay sex and against HIV. It means there is no communicating between people when they have sex because of the shame about it. This remains a struggle here in the US too. There is a lot of don't ask, don't tell that goes on with HIV – particularly on other dating sites.
QueerGam: Do you think that is a lousy policy?
Peter Brook: That is a policy that only causes the disease to spread. If you are confident that having HIV does not mean you are ANY less of a person, you can share it easily with family, friends and people you go to bed with. That takes the power of HIV away on so many levels.
QueerGam: Any message you want to leave for our visitors to talk about? Your final thought?
Peter Brook: I suppose I hope that BeOneCity is on its way to becoming the premier dating site for Positive guys who are gay because we will get it right and give them exactly what they need in a platform that works well. We are constantly improving our site, our content, our Blog, our magazine and I think we are determined to be the best.
Peter Brook: We want to launch a heterosexual version as well. For now our focus is the market we know and we are part of - HIV positive gay men. There is a great need for us to be able to spend time with one another for all sorts of reasons - support, friendship, discussion, news resources, and encouragement as well as for dating and hooking-up.
Peter Brook: I think we will become the premier site because we care deeply for our members – we are members ourselves - and we are meeting a very real need out there.
Peter Brook: We are not just a dating site; we have a mission to Outsmart HIV. That gives us purpose beyond just being a dating site; and we are committed to stopping the stigma of HIV. We have a real vision for where things need to go with HIV and we hope we are delivering (as fast as we can do it with our small team and these very big ideas) on our mission and doing it for the right reasons. It seems to be working.
QueerGam: Yes indeed. Sounds like it. Thank you again Peter for being with us today. We wish BeOneCity all the best.
For more information on BeOneCity, cut and paste this: http://www.beonecity.com
My full story on HIV dating sites (and my interview with Peter above) is now published on www.edgenewyork.com.
QueerGam: Peter, can you tell us why BeOneCity (above) is different from the others?
Peter Brook: For many reasons. It is the first networking platform in real-time site built for HIV positive gay guys to communicate directly with each other - for support, to find love and feel worthy of it, and also to hook-up with a vision for how we deal with ourselves and make our lives great. There are other dating sites out there that address the need to date and hook-up but very few designed for HIV positive guys by positive guys, and none with the kind of platform and lifestyle focus of BeOneCity.
QueerGam: Which part of it is remarkably or notably different?
Peter Brook: What is different is that we are promoting sero-sorting for relationships and hooking-up. Research shows that for a myriad of reasons, positive guys want to date, hang-out and hook-up with other positive guys. As a positive gay man, I recognize the value in that for us. It takes the disclosure, the worry and any legal issues out of the equation and it provides us with the assurance that there is no chance for us to spread HIV. We do not suggest that positive guys should not be with negative guys – I have had negative boyfriends myself – and you cannot stop love or lust with your sero-status –nor should you. You just have to be more careful. But for those of us who would actually prefer to meet, date and hook-up with others who are on the same page, and understand what it is to have HIV, BeOneCity provides this.
QueerGam: What are you currently offering that the others are still figuring out?
Peter Brook: We offer a global positive community. We recognize the value in having members from everywhere. HIV is a global problem. Part of the power of the internet is that it can help us to lose some of our myopic view of things and see problems elsewhere. With a global site we can know first hand what it is like to have HIV if you live in say Bombay or in Dubai or in Berlin – and we can talk to those people directly. We can hopefully plan better and smarter because of this view - and we can truly put everyone with HIV (and with internet access) together online.
QueerGam: That is a powerful connection going on there...
Peter Brook: Our hope is that BeOneCity will be a site that will play a vital part in taking on the next challenges we face from HIV using the power we get from a global membership and a global reach
QueerGam: So BeOneCity is the first site to position itself as a lifestyle site for HIV...What about the vision for your members?
Peter Brook: Yes, we are the first site to position ourselves as a lifestyle site for HIV – away from most of the medically driven sites that were the focus of HIV in the past. We really and truly want to feel confident being HIV positive and to be able to feel good about ourselves - to know that we are as worthy of love and happiness as anyone else. Part of that is learning to be proud of ourselves again. With this in mind, we try to give our members not just a user-driven experience like other dating sites.
QueerGam: What do you strive to provide from now on?
Peter Brook: We strive to provide more articles, blog posts, the news we report on, and the type of site we have speaks to a different approach to HIV – hopefully more conscious and more fun.
QueerGam: Sounds like you want to bring sexy back to HIV...
Peter Brook: Absolutely. We want to bring sexy back to HIV, for want of a better song-line. And we want to realize pride in ourselves again. We are not damaged goods – rather we are great people with great lives to lead who happen to have what is now a manageable chronic condition. As a lifestyle site, we can promote this as a way of being for positive guys. We offer a safe place to unite together. At BeOneCity we can be ourselves - without the judgment or the stigma we often experience from the outside world because of our HIV status.
QueerGam: Why are you so driven to developing a strong social mission for HIV that includes your participation as a gay HIV positive man?
Peter Brook: This sets us apart from dating sites. We believe that the site can be a unifying place where we can mobilize together to help stop HIV and bring focus real to outsmarting HIV – and we believe we have a responsibility to provide this and encourage it.
QueerGam: Is this a new stage for HIV and things have changed in many ways?
Peter Brook: Because of the battles fought by those with HIV during its first stage, we are now in a place where HIV is far more manageable. While HIV is still growing at this point, we are capable of turning that trend around and we have a role to play. I believe it is now up to those of us, lucky enough to be positive at a time when HIV is manageable, to get together and work to find solutions; getting drug access for everyone, everywhere with HIV regardless of economic status is one important fight for us. And we do have a part to play in the fight to find a vaccine, in continuing to push for a cure, and in moving society past the stigma that is still so affiliated with HIV. BeOneCity wants to be involved in those fights.
QueerGam: So you've also been putting a lot of effort into supporting other groups and partnering with them, correct?
Peter Brook: We are different in that we bridge the gap between the myriad non-profit and for profit HIV organizations, all working against HIV. We did that and are still doing that. This offers us a real-world focus for us and for our members, and gives us a community experience in the real world – something which is often neglected from our life with HIV. We believe we need to encourage our participation, as people with HIV within the broader HIV community.
QueerGam: What is your main focus at this time?
Peter Brook: We have a focus toward pride and away from the stigma of HIV. When it is OK to be positive and talk about it, when the secrecy and shame of it is removed, then HIV will have a lot less power. The spread of HIV comes from people not being able to be up-front and honest with it – with themselves having it. This is a struggle I still work on. In Africa - where the stigma is so strong against both gay sex and against HIV. It means there is no communicating between people when they have sex because of the shame about it. This remains a struggle here in the US too. There is a lot of don't ask, don't tell that goes on with HIV – particularly on other dating sites.
QueerGam: Do you think that is a lousy policy?
Peter Brook: That is a policy that only causes the disease to spread. If you are confident that having HIV does not mean you are ANY less of a person, you can share it easily with family, friends and people you go to bed with. That takes the power of HIV away on so many levels.
QueerGam: Any message you want to leave for our visitors to talk about? Your final thought?
Peter Brook: I suppose I hope that BeOneCity is on its way to becoming the premier dating site for Positive guys who are gay because we will get it right and give them exactly what they need in a platform that works well. We are constantly improving our site, our content, our Blog, our magazine and I think we are determined to be the best.
Peter Brook: We want to launch a heterosexual version as well. For now our focus is the market we know and we are part of - HIV positive gay men. There is a great need for us to be able to spend time with one another for all sorts of reasons - support, friendship, discussion, news resources, and encouragement as well as for dating and hooking-up.
Peter Brook: I think we will become the premier site because we care deeply for our members – we are members ourselves - and we are meeting a very real need out there.
Peter Brook: We are not just a dating site; we have a mission to Outsmart HIV. That gives us purpose beyond just being a dating site; and we are committed to stopping the stigma of HIV. We have a real vision for where things need to go with HIV and we hope we are delivering (as fast as we can do it with our small team and these very big ideas) on our mission and doing it for the right reasons. It seems to be working.
QueerGam: Yes indeed. Sounds like it. Thank you again Peter for being with us today. We wish BeOneCity all the best.
For more information on BeOneCity, cut and paste this: http://www.beonecity.com
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